The bell rang for lunch and I booked it up the stairs to the quad. It was a Friday before a three-day weekend and I was done with my on-campus classes. I rushed up the stairs to solidify weekend beach plans with some friends before heading out to eat. As I got closer to where my friends sit, the intercom came overhead "Students, please evacuate the quad!" I kept walking, thinking it was a drill or something. "Students, this is NOT a drill. Evacuate the quad now." For the first time, I saw my peers' faces and realized that something truly was wrong. Girls were crying, boys were physically getting sick, and others looked stone faced. I didn't know what was going on and I felt lost in a crowd of people. As I turned to go back towards our evacuation spot, I saw the body laying there motionless.
I ran down the stairs, trying to get that image out of my mind. I shook my head and just muttered aloud "no. no. no. no. NO." I got sucked into the crowd as teachers corralled us to our evacuation zones. I looked around me and somehow I didn't recognize a single face. As we made our way down to the field, I saw a boy who I drove to school each day. I looked at him and I just ran. I ran towards him and wrapped my arms around his neck. There was no way that I was letting go.
We made it down to the field and the stream of tears had slowed down. My breath was rattling as I looked around me for my best friend and sister. I couldn't find them. I turned to some random kid to borrow his cell phone (I had walked into a pool with my phone two days earlier) to call my sister. She didn't pick up. I frantically called my house and my dad picked up just as it was going to voicemail. He answered saying, "Tom Potter at Interstate Envelope." Dad. Where is Allie? "She's here at home. She came home sick. Why? What's up?" Dad, somebody just died. "Rachel, it's probably just a part of the assembly." No. They died. I don't know who. But they jumped off of the roof and they are dead. We're on lockdown. Except I think I can check myself out since I'm 18. I have to go to Mountain and tell them I won't make it.
I checked out of school and drove to Mountain Avenue, the school I worked at after school. I signed in with shaky hands and practically ran to my teacher's classroom. When I got to the door, it was locked. So, as I began to shake and go into shock, I ran to the next classroom. Locked again. Finally, I got into a classroom of a familiar face. The teacher looked up from her desk to see who walked in and instantly she asked what was wrong. I shook my head. I walked (or maybe ran-- I don't remember) over to her desk and just stood there in a panic. A few kids were in the classroom and I stood there deciding how I could tell her. The teacher asked again, "Rachel, what's wrong. Something is wrong, right?" I nodded my head. "Okayy... What happened? Was it something at school?" Nodded again. "Did someone get hurt?" Nodded. "I need you to give me something." Building. "What? building? did a building collapse? Earthquake?" Shook my head. I whispered someone jumped. This part is a little fuzzy. I think she dragged me outside of the classroom, but I can't be sure. All I know is that we ended up outside of the classroom. She hugged me and asked me if I was okay. She told me to go home and that she would tell Mrs. Dziok. I hugged her one last time, still sick to my stomach.
I walked back to the office to sign out and as I was just about to leave, I heard my teacher, Mrs. Dziok, talking in the other room. I walked back to find her, but she was headed back to her classroom. I began following her when the teacher specialist stopped me. "Rachel, you go to CV, right? Are you okay. Do you need to talk?" Yes. But I'm okay. It will all be okay. "Rachel, I need you to not tell any of the teachers. Mrs. Witt (the principal) wants to tell them herself" Okay. I walked out towards Mrs. Dziok's classroom with no intention of keeping that promise.
I ran to her classroom and flung the door open. She sat at her desk looking over a pile of papers. "Hello, Miss Potter. How are you?" I'm okay. I can't stay today. I said as in one fast breath. She looked up and saw my face and just knew. "Rachel... what's wrong?" I didn't know what to say. I'm not allowed to say. "What the hell do you mean you aren't allowed to say? Says who? You can tell me." Somebody just killed themself. Someone just died. In front of everyone. I was in tears at this point. She just grabbed me and held me tight.
***
Two years ago today, a 15 year old boy at my school jumped off of a three-story building dying instantly. He died publicly and violently in front of hundreds of classmates during our lunch break. So, while his nightmares ended that day at 12:22 PM, mine and so many others' began. That day was full of sorrow, confusion, panic, and mass chaos. That night and many nights afterwards were filled with nightmares, flashbacks, and images. There isn't a day that goes by where I don't think about what happened and the hysteria that took place. I truly do wish that he hadn't been so alone that he felt the need to end it all. It's a permanent decision that cannot be undone. Nobody should be so alone that they feel they have no option other than to kill themself. Nobody.
No comments:
Post a Comment